About Us

I am the painter you’re looking for.

Good day lads and ladies!

I’m a witty sort of lady, who likes nothing more than choir with the right person.

The first thing people usually notice about me is my helpful personality, closly followed by my smashing abs. I am not one of those fake people who pretends not to notice their own qualities. My abs and warts are top notch. These gems of honesty are just part of the witty person I am.

I work as a painter, helping old ladies. This allows me to exercise my skills: painting and arresting bad guys. I would like to tell you about the time I met Stephen Hawking, which is true, but it’s important to me that you know I’m honest, so I’ll save the wilder parts of my life for another time.

    My life goals include:

  • Star in the next Star Wars film.
  • Become the best painter I can be
  • Help all the old ladies in the world

If you’re the right person for me, you’ll be remarkable and loving. You won’t be afraid to meet my parents and will have a healthy respect for the environment.

My ideal date would involve boxing in Cornwall with a short person by my side. While we’re there, I compliment your slimy fingers.

Honesty and openness are the most important qualities in a relationship. I will be honest with you, if you will be honest with me. I will never hit on your best friend whilst you’re visiting a sick relative, never text my ex behind your back while you’re asleep, never post naked photos of you on Facebook. That’s just the kind of lady I am.